failed parenting...or maybe just what a child needed

I attended a different ward today for my stake calling.  I sat through sacrament meeting without interruption from kids and it was a breath of fresh air, however sad that is to admit.

Our stake president spoke on families and I came out of the meeting inspired with a desire to try a little harder.   The spirit was extremely strong.  It almost blew me over and my chest felt like it would burst.   I haven't had that feeling in a long time.  I was wonderful to experience.

I don't often write out spiritual feelings or spiritual matters.  I tend to hold such things close to my heart and keep them private.  I would compare myself to a poker player keeping his hand secret and close to his chest all while displaying his best poker face...but I that might count as an irreverent comparison. 

All sarcasm aside, I find myself not writing down spiritual matters because I find them sacred.  And I feel that sacred things should kept sacred to an extent.  I never want to come across portraying myself a spiritual giant, something that I for sure am not.   Unfortunately, if I never record these feelings, how will my children know how I felt when they are older?  I can share things with them now out loud, but who knows if they are listening.   It would be a failure on my part if my children grow up thinking I never contemplated spiritual, divine things.  And the case being that this is my only journal,  I'd better be willing to write some thoughts down. 

One subject that was brought up today by our Stake President was Family Home Evening and other spiritual observances in the home.  I have a testimony of these things, especially family home evening and family scripture study.  It has done wonders for our family and the atmosphere in our home.   That being said, I will be honest and admit that we have crazy yahoo yelling, fighting, temper tantrums, and brother beating moments all on a regular basis...which are NOT ok with me.

(As I type this I can hear Colby screaming from the basement- nice.)

But Steve and I are trying very hard to teach our children reverence, tolerance, gratitude, love and to follow the example of the Savior. 

We are trying and praying it soaks in.

For example:

We held family home evening early tonight and Steve shared his idea of starting off the Christmas season positively...aka...not thinking about ourselves.

We had a discussion with our children on gratitude and blessings and had each of the boys name two things they had that made them feel truly blessed. (spoiled)

They came up with some pretty good things that I wish I would have written down right then, because I have pregnant brain and can't remember.

We then talked about one way to show gratitude for your blessings is to sacrifice and give.  We then asked each boy to go downstairs and pick out one really good toy that was #1. in good condition and #2. something they actually liked.  We then explained our plan to take the toys to the DI tomorrow night along with picking out a few new toys to donate.

The boys surprised me.

Andrew brought up his DS system with all his games and case.  He claimed he doesn't play with it anymore and would be happy to give it away.

(I had a slight heart palpitation because...um...I know how much money went into that DS and games.)

Carter brought up his digital camera that Steve handed down to him a few months ago.  It's a nice camera with charger and case included.

(chest tightening a little bit more)

Colby brought up a pair of shoes, his best tonka garbage truck, an airplane, and favorite like new stuffed lion.

(anyone have some nitroglycerin pills?)

My children bowled me over with their willingness to give away their things.  For about five minutes I thought I was raising nice children....

until I brought up a few toy sets I bought almost three years ago on clearance that I have been saving for whatever birthday or occasion they would be needed for.   They were an assortment of trucks, boats and people just perfect for the wants of a certain 6 year old in my house.

He FLIPPED out, crying his eyeballs out over how I could NOT give those toys away.  How dare I not realize they were what he has ALWAYS wanted and how he has been waiting for toys like these for YEARS.

Oh brother.

The toys are still going to the DI tomorrow-

No matter how selfish my six year old is.

And...to pour lemon juice in Colby's wound (oh dear...did I just give away the guilty party?), I may ask him to personally hand them over to the DI donation guy.

Side note:  Later tonight Colby recanted his willingness to give away the shoes and toy lion.
 Figures.