When things go south on the parenting trail.

I don't claim to be the perfect mother.  I do feel though as if there are perfect parenting moments, however few and far between, where I can think back and say to myself, "Good job.  You nailed that one.  Chalk one up for you and carry on Soldier."   

But today has not been one of them.  Carter is struggling with just being happy.  Be this a diabetes thing, a second grade thing, a boy thing...I don't know, but is driving me batty.  I understand happiness as a choice.  I choose to be happy because life is better when I am happy.  Do I have unhappy times?  Of course I do, but I choose to turn myself around and be otherwise.  I also feel that happiness is directly related to gratitude.  If I am grateful for what I have been given, it is difficult to by anything but happy.  

This gratitude=happiness=life is great, is a deep concept for an 8 year old.  I don't expect him to understand this until he is far into adulthood...but in the meantime, I might hang him by his toenails. 

He struggles to be happy in the morning.  He struggles to be happy after school.  He struggles to be happy in the evening.  He struggles to be happy doing anything I ask of him.  Because of this, I'm struggling with parenting this darling boy.   I find myself raising my voice way more often than I think is acceptable.  Tears stream from chocolate eyes around our home on a daily (2X daily) basis.  I love this kid and will be spending more time on my knees asking my Heavenly Father how to help Carter through this stage.   Tonight I went to my husband for help.  I texted him this message not to long ago.

"I hope you make it home before I ground Carter from the derby tonight.  Be warned, you are coming home to a combat zone.  I need a patient husband and father tonight.  You are the glue that will keep me from losing it on Carter. ...just thought you would like a warning."

My biggest anxiety is how this crappy attitude in our home can spread like wild fire-it's flames lick and burn everyone in proximity.  While in the car this afternoon, Colby's burned attitude was whining about why he couldn't make money like Andrew.  (Andrew gets an allowance for having extra chores and responsibilities around the house.  But with this allowance he is expected to pay for some things by himself.  For example, his back pack wore out and he was required to pay for half to replace it.)   Colby wanted money, but cried that he didn't want to do chores.   I told him that is the only way he would make extra cash would be to help out more without complaining or having me remind him to do the extra chore.  

I told him, "That way you could buy a new back pack just like Andrew did."  

"Whatever Mom," Colby lashed out, "I don't want to buy a backpack anyway...I'm saving up for a phone."

Oh really.

Apparently my philosophy on life is wrong.  This is how it is going in my house of late:

ingratitude=grumpiness=my children thing they should be given everything they can dream of without lifting a finger to earn it.

This is going to be their reality check:

I will not pamper my children.

I will not put up with ingratitude.

I will not put up with grumpy attitudes.

I will not buy my five year old a phone.

quick journal entry- because I don't have time to be witty

Steve and I spent the weekend in Portland.  Our flight from Boise had us gone early Thursday morning and we came back Saturday afternoon.  This was a business trip where dental companies paid for us to visit  in hopes that we would sell our first born and extra organs to pay for the equipment to fill our future office.  It was really fun.  The kids were farmed out at both grandmas and therefore Steve and I were by ourselves.  The last trip we took like this was three years ago to Vegas, another dental meeting.  

The kids did great, there were no diabetic emergencies, and Steve and I ate our way through a weekend of dental sales pitches.  These people feed you in order to dull your senses so you will buy stuff.  I think it worked.  I don't know what a cruise is like, but this had to be somewhere close.  I won't even expound on the amount of bacon I ate.  And...I didn't get sick once.  (Except for the Reece's candy bar I ate on the drive home without reading the ingredients.  Dang Reece's.)

I love getting away with my spouse.  It makes me remember why I like him so much.  He is just fun to be with- comfortable and easy.  (and he likes bacon too.)

I appreciate two sets of grandparents who are willing to watch our children so we can get away.  I know they stop their own lives for us, and I am forever grateful.

I am not grateful, however, for my childrens' attitude since we have been back.  I'm having to put them through Mommy Boot Camp, that and a big fat reality check.  Just because I missed you all doesn't mean I'm going to put up with your nonsense.  I love you, but quit your blasted whining!

Due to the long fun weekend, I am now being punished by the harsh reality that is Monday morning.  Colby had a Dr. appointment for his arm at 8am, Carter's blood sugar has been high all morning, Saylor is driving me batty with her demands, I had to go to the grocery store (a feat in itself), I am behind on my house, laundry, calling and everything else, AND to top it all off- my neighbor informed me that a house two doors down is now on the city's narcotic list and is under watch.  I'm supposed to call if I see anything suspicious.  Awesome. 

Welcome home.  You are officially being punished for having a good time! 

Mouse Update, Report Cards and Reading

 "The Night of the Mouse" is how it will forever be known in years to come.  The boys, too scared by a small quivering rodent, spent the night on the couch because, and I quote, "We don't like the mouse looking at us!"   The mouse is now dead somewhere as he was seen eating the mouse bait, but my children might never be the same.  

The couch, I hear, was comfy. 

 And, it was really easy to get the kids out of their beds and on the couch for scripture reading the next morning.  

Last night, there were no mice, but the kids all brought home their report cards.  I was pleased with good grades all around.  I called Steve and told him we needed to celebrate...by me not making dinner.  Hurray!  Steve brought home Cafe Rio.  

We were all happy except for Saylor, but who knows why. 

 Andrew had all A's with only one B.  But that B was really close to an A- I looked up the score.

His math teacher ever wrote in her comments, "Dependable/Works Hard".  As a parent, I'm grateful for positive feedback.

Colby is rocking kindergarten. 

 I had to laugh because he lost points on writing one of his letters- capital B.  Um...the boy is writing with his left hand.  I'm letting this one slide.  His teacher Mrs. Roy wrote, "I sure enjoy having you in class...you make me smile.  I don't know many 5 year olds who can print with either hand!!  Be careful, no more broken bones for you.  Great progress.  Keep up the good work."

Carter did great as well.  He had mostly A's with two B's.  I looked up their numerical score too, they were almost A's.   Figuring the boy spends tons of his time checking his own blood sugar and giving himself insulin, he is a straight A kid to me!  

His darling teacher Mrs. Smith wrote, "Having Carter in my class just makes my day!  His enthusiasm is a joy to watch.  He has worked hard this quarter.  Nice job!" 

Even without a report card, I know this little girl is golden.  I can't describe how much I have enjoyed her.  She is a joy everyday.

We took some time away from her favorite pastime of watching Dora to read some books. 

 The photography books I have made for her are her favorite.

I love seeing her pour over pictures of herself and her family.

 And I love her little feet too.

 "My naked bum Mom!"

The boys and baby SaySay.

 Please notice she is looking at her tummy while poking her own tummy.

I love you Saylor!

Weekend minutes...some of them show how trashy we really are.

Saturday:

It's still raining and has been for the past three days.  We are thrilled for the moisture, but disappointed at the snow we could have had and the backyard sledding we could have enjoyed.  Our neighborhood is a sloppy mess and the poor neighbors behind us have a lake slowly rising in front of their home.  The forecast is calling for more rain, which I could handle if it wasn't for the wind.  Yucky wind.

Here is a lovely brown ugly shot of the field behind our home showcasing the rain produced lake.  I'm glad it's not in my driveway.  My kids would be playing in it if it was.

I'm grateful today for my stalwart husband.  He helped cleaned the church this morning, saw an emergency patient this afternoon, and is at the moment at a church meeting.  I admire his work ethic and desire to do what he feels is expected of him.  He is a good example for our children and for me.  I...stayed in bed and ate way too many GF peanut butter brownies.   I'm not winning any obedience awards today.

This is what my beautiful daughter would choose to do all day if I let her.  She would sit in a babydoll stroller way too small for her, without pants, sipping chocolate milk while watching Dora.  I feel so classy when I see this picture.  But while she was doing this, I cleaned my kitchen and mopped.  It was a decent trade off.

I have a new goal for this year.  It's pretty lofty and if I want it accomplished I'm going to have to budget my cash pretty tight.  I want a years supply of everything in my home by the end of 2012.  That is a year supply of shampoo, laundry soap, trash bags, razors, clothing...the works.  And you better believe that includes toilet paper.  My name is Jill Dixon and I desire to be a hoarder, but an organized hoarder.   There is something comforting about 12 months of TP sitting in my basement.  Along with household items, I also want my years worth of food.  I've been working on this for a while, but I'm not there yet.  Unfortunately, I can't purchase food from the church canning kitchen any longer, due to wheat contamination.  But I'll figure something out.  I never thought I would love cupboards filled with extra downy and bleach more than new furniture.  (but I would love new furniture and a fence if I could swing it.)

Sunday:

Last night Steve and I stayed up until 11 watching old episodes of the X-files.  I didn't realize they started almost 20 years ago.  Am I really that old?  Um...yes.  I laughed hysterically at the hair and early 90's man suits the main female character had.  Did we really dress that hideous twenty years ago?  Um...yes, and my high school pictures will prove it.  

Stake conference was this weekend and I loved being home from church at 12:00.  Steve had to help with parking so he took Andrew and Colby early to save us a seat.  We sat on the benches.  It was a first for the Dixon family.  We are more back row way in the gym kind of people.  By the last half hour of the meeting I was ready to claw my eyeballs out.  My attention span maxes out at 90 minutes.  The poor little old man that gave the prayer about sent me to crazy-land.  I have never heard a prayer given slower in my life.  It was heartfelt and sincere, but I was ready to jump up half way through and run screaming out of the chapel.  (I know I'm going to hell for writing this let alone thinking it during stake conference, but one day my kids are going to read this when they have children of their own and they will understand...and they will laugh.)

These pictures were taken last week, but still show how trashy we are so they are being included.  Andrew was home from school due to a sick digestive system, so he and Saylor made a fort while the other boys were at school. It was under my dining room table. 

Here was the sign he made.  

"Society of Awesomeness" including Saylor and Andrew, with Colby and Carter signing up later.

Let me tell you, it was awesome. 

This afternoon, Steve cut the boys hair.  To help with the mess, he vacuumed them off. 

Effective, yet trashy.  That is how we roll around here.  Please also note the trash bag protecting the red cast that actually color coordinates with the firetruck undies.  I couldn't be prouder.

Lastly, the icing on the cake if you will is...

the fat little mouse crawling between our screen and our window.

(please ignore the hard water stains that show how I haven't washed my windows in a long...long time.)

This mouse chewed a hole in the screen and made himself comfortable in Carter and Colby's window well.

As the boys screeched and hollered over this little rodent, Saylor was heard in the background chanting,

 "Kill Him!  Kill Him!"  

Thank you boys for teaching your feminine innocent little sister such lovely words.

Oh yeah, there is another mouse dead on the back porch.

It's time to bring out the rat poison again.   I don't want to pay for anymore screens.

Winter has arrived

Finally finally winter came to Twin. 

 I would have taken pictures of all the white splendor, but by the time I thought of taking a picture, it had rained, melted the snow, and made a giant slushy mess on my lawn, driveway and garage floor.  

This is typical for Twin.  

But the snow was fun for the five hours it lasted.  I mostly enjoyed trying out my all-wheel drive vehicle.  We traded in the van this summer for tougher less "mommy" vehicle under the rationalization that we would most likely get snowed in.  It happened once last year and we were sure it would happen again.   We were feeling pretty sheepish until it snowed today. 

I drove around and smiled every time my anti-lock breaks kicked in along with my traction control.  But don't worry Dad, because I still drove like an 80 year old woman just like you taught me...so those things only had to kick in once...or twice.  And I heard your voice in my head just like I was 16 and driving to seminary, "Be careful out there, the roads are treacherous."  I also avoided parking lots like the plague because, "They are the most dangerous place to drive."  (love ya dad!)

Ironic that is is winter, because Carter and Andrew started swim team this week.  Love the covered pool.  Andrew is a fish, as always,  and lights up at the thought of swimming.  Carter, however, is struggling and still has much to master.  I have to give the little man props because he never gives up and swims the laps his coaches ask him to without complaint.  He about drowns, but never complains.   His coach was nice enough tonight to offer additional lessons with Carter at no cost to get him where he should be.  I'm taking them without question.   Carter is taking the frosties I've promised him after lessons without question.  I'm not above swimming bribery.

Colby had his cast put on today.  He chose bright red.  I didn't object figuring we didn't have family pictures coming up like with the last cast.   I asked the PA putting on the cast to also splint his legs so maybe he would stop breaking bones.  He chuckled, but Colby can still walk- bummer.   I worry about this kid.  He thinks he is indestructible and is truly fearless.  I think he is tiny and malnourished.  I worry that in addition to his slight, underfed stature, this boy actually has weak bones.  He has three broken bones in his short (no pun intended) life.  (One more thing for a mother to obsess and feel guilty about...just add it to the stack)  I'm probably wrong, but just in case I have been feeding him ice cream and fast food hamburgers to add extra calories to his church mouse diet.  I find myself slipping him cheese sticks and multi vitamins when ever I get a chance too.  I'm praying this kid gets an appetite.  I will relish the day when he is a teenager and I can't fill him up.  Honest.

in a nutshell

I need to sum up this week without getting into too much detail...but if I ramble incoherently please know that I'm ready for bed and probably too tired to type.

Colby is a crazy man.  We have had to remind him hourly to slow down, put his sling back on, remember he is only in a splint- not a cast, and quit jumping around or he is going to re-hurt his arm.  Ghee Whiz that kid.

Andrew spent two days home this week with the trots.  He didn't feel too bad but still had to be home in case he had to run to the bathroom (too much info).  It was fun to have him home.  I confess, he has become my on-the-fly babysitter and I love it.  He is a great kid who is willing to help out with a happy attitude.  I appreciate him being the oldest.

I had Mad Scientist Day at Perrine this week.  It is the kickoff for the science fair in March.  I enjoy my time working with the teachers at Perrine and with the professors from CSI who volunteer their time.  It makes me feel good putting my time and effort into something I find valuable.   The science fair is going to be huge this year as all 4th and 5th graders are required to participate.  I go from being excited to being scared out of my wits just thinking about it.  I'm in the process of raising money and getting paperwork ready to send home with the kids.  I'm glad I have two month still to prepare.

This is my favorite picture from Mad Scientist Day.  I love how the kids are so excited!  

You can clearly see here that SCIENCE IS COOL!

I attended the opening meeting for our Stake's youth Prepare the Way program this morning.   I was overwhelmed with our Stakes young men and young women.  At 9am they were dressed in their Sunday best ready to walk door to door and share the Gospel of Jesus Christ.  It was a powerful spiritual experience.  I feel that many of my prayers were answered from this week at this meeting.  Our Heavenly Father asks us to do hard things, but he makes it possible for us to do them if we just have faith.  I have many large decisions to make in the near future and I now know can make them.  (But why does having these prayers answered always lead to happy cry fests that turn into cry headaches?)

This next week is going to be full and furious.  Andrew and Carter start up swim team.  Andrew has an eye appointment with Grandpa Walker.  Colby gets his cast on.  Steve is busy at work (thank goodness).  Saylor has Dora to watch and babies to change.  And, I have the fort to hold down. 

The Rest of the Story

Saturday night, Steve and I had just given our waitress at Jakers our order when we got a phone call from my mom.  I assumed it was about Carter.

I was wrong.

My mom told me in a voice that I can only describe as restrained panic that we needed to come home because Colby had re-broken his arm.

We rushed home, checked out a very sad, in pain Colby and rushed him to the ER.  We were taken back quickly by the charge nurse and Colby was given morphine within 20 minutes of our arrival.  I was happy about that.

Here Colby is on morphine.  Nice.

(I personally love this drug.  Had it in labor with Andrew.)

 If you look closely at Colby's right arm you can see that it is indeed broken.  We should have gotten a better picture of the "the bend" but we forgot.  I claim insanity brought on by stress.

Here is Colby after being sedated and splinted.  We are just waiting for him to wake up.

Here is Colby the next day.

Some of the things we learned through this experience:

Large exercise balls at Grandma's house can buck you off unexpectedly and cause the bone callouses from your previous broken arm to snap in half hence expelling the myth that callouses are as strong as bone.

Older brothers might see your broken arm and right away tell you how much it is going to cost your parents to fix it.  (we need to work on our sensitivity skills)

If you are carried into the ER and have what the nurse calls a "positive deformation" of the right arm, you don't have to wait, but are taken back immediately.

ER doctors won't let you have a drink of water, but they do provide a small bear to hug and free cable.

Morphine makes you funny.  It also makes you open your eyes and spout funny things when your parents think you are asleep and not listening.  Such as:

"I don't want surgery!"

"Colby, do you know what surgery is?"  

"No...but I still don't want it!"

and

"Carter broke his pancreas!"  

(when the nurse asked if anyone else in the family had ever broken any bones before.)

Your parents will laugh at you when you are mumbling in a morphine stupor.

Grandma's are really awesome because they stay at your house until almost midnight so both your mom and dad can be at the hospital with you.

Having your arm in traction to put your bones back in place is sickening to your mother.  She might hide behind the nurse and not look.  But your dad thinks it is cool.

When the Dr. tells your parents that the drug Ketamine will knock you out for 15 minutes...it will actually take six hours for you to wake up.

In this six hours, your mother will be very scared, the nurse will have to suction your mouth out because at one time she thought you were having a seizure, you will be admitted for observation because the Dr. is worried you will stop breathing, and you mother will have to spend the night on a hospital couch bed (but you are worth it so she doesn't mind).

When you wake up at four am, your mother will be very happy to see you...even though she looks really scary because of the hospital couch bed thing.

A new hospital is better than a hotel because they bring you bacon and frosted flakes to your room for breakfast, and then a milk shake and pudding two hours later.  They also have free cable just like the ER.

You will also be showered with gifts like a new blanket to take home and a large bin of toys.

Nurses who think you are really cute, will take better care of you.

Tylenol does not help with broken arm pain...morphine was much better.

When the Dr. tells you he will be in your room at 8:30 am to release you, he really means 11:45.   But he did come in his church duds so you will forgive him.

Being in the hospital makes everyone tired so you all skip church to stay home and take naps.

***************

In other news...things I would have been posting if I wasn't in the hospital with Colby.

Carter started guitar lessons.  It's adorable.  

However, he is learning very fast that playing guitar is hard work and makes your fingers sore.  We are not going to prick his left hand for a while per his request.

Saylor and her hair are insane.

She thinks she is queen of this castle and has even be heard yelling down the stairs at her brothers, "Stop it boys!"  I think I need to inform her of who is really in charge.

Saturday morning, Carter and Andrew spent their time wisely making Lego creations.  

This is Carter's.

This is Andrew's.

The times not showing me their creations was spent asking and re-asking if they could go to Grandma's house Wednesday night from 7/8 Central Time to watch the new Lego Ninjago show on Cartoon Network.   Sorry boys, watching a show at 7/8 central would keep you up past your 8/9 central bedtime.

The only reason they had so much free time to build with Legos on Saturday was because they spent Friday night doing this.  It was their "Idea of Awesomeness" as per Andrew.  For some odd reason I am not getting much flack about Saturday chores.  Beautiful.

I read all three of the Hunger Games series this week.  It's a good thing my children did chores, because I obviously was busy with something else.  The worst part of this...when my Kindle ran out of battery power at 10 am at the hospital.  There nothing left to do but stare at my darling child watching the cartoon network while sipping chocolate milk.  Good thing I love him and I feel he is worth watching.

  

Tonight I made the best dinner and I decided I need to document when I cook like this...for posterity sake.   It would also be a good idea for me to write down my best gluten free recipes.  So here goes...

Chicken and Rice Soup

(all measurements are approximate.  I wing this soup every time and it always turns out delicious)

Make chicken stock made from Costco Rotisserie Chicken after all the meat has been cleaned off.  Cover bones and skin with water in large pot and let simmer for at least two hours. 

Let chicken stock sit in fridge until fat comes to top.  Clean fat off and return stock to large pot and bring to boil.

While stock is coming to boil, caramelize in olive oil: 1/2 onion,  carrots peeled and sliced, and one garlic clove minced.  Cook until carrots are slightly tender and onions are translucent and soft.

Add about 1/4 c. uncooked, rinsed rice to boiling chicken stock.  The rice will need to simmer for at least twenty minutes.  Add onion and carrot mixture to let carrots finish cooking.

Season with dill and fresh pepper.  If you don't have enough liquid, you can add one can of chicken broth.

Right before you are about to serve soup, add cooked diced chicken.  (I usually use the chicken from the rotisserie chicken, but we ate it all earlier so I cooked and diced six or so chicken tenders.)  This way the meat doesn't get tough from boiling too long.

Boil just long enough to heat the chicken through and serve with Gluten Free Cornbread!

Seriously, this is my favorite soup!

Gluten Free Corn Bread

...or in other words, the best corn bread I have ever tasted in my life either gluten free or not!

This recipe comes from my sister Jolyn that she got from her darling mother in law and converted to gluten free.  It really should be called Corn Cake because it is that amazingly good.

With permission from my sister and her husband...

1 c. butter (and you wonder why it tastes so good)

1 1/2 c. sugar (get the picture?)

3 eggs (I halved the batch tonight and used 1 egg and 1 egg yolk.)

2 c. Domata gluten free flour (can use regular flour if you don't have the privilege of being a celiac)

4 tsp baking powder

1/2 tsp salt

1 c. cornmeal  (I recommend fine or medium grain)

1 c. milk

In large mixing bowl, combine butter and sugar and mix well.  Add eggs, one at a time, beating well after each one.  Sift flour, baking powder, salt and cornmeal.  Alternate flour mixture and milk to creamed mixture.  Pour into greased 9x13 baking pan.  Bake at 350 for 35 minutes.  (I've noticed with my gluten free recipes that I need to cook them a little longer than normal.  I cook a half batch tonight for almost 45 minutes. )  Let sit for 5-10 minutes and enjoy with honey. They are so buttery you won't need anything else!

Repeat offender

Guess where we have been for the past 18 hours?

More of the the story later, I'm going to take nap.  We are all tired.

My two minute mute TV debut...and how NOT to accidentally eat gluten

I was on TV this morning for a whole two minutes.  I was there to help promote out elementary school's "Mad Scientist Day" and Science Fair, both which I am the parent coordinator for.  (this means I do all the paper work and behind the scenes organization.)  

I wasn't planning on saying much this morning, but ended up saying practically nothing.  I just stood there with my perfectly straightened hair and silver hoop earrings.  

(I got up way too early for this.)

The "interview" was fast and furious and our school was barely mentioned, a mistake I wouldn't let happen again if I had the chance.  I'm disappointed it didn't go differently, but lets be honest, how many people really watch KMVT at 6:45 am.

This man, however, was pretty awesome.  He wore those safety goggles with pride and blew up two hydrogen balloons on small town Idaho television.   Hydrogen is flammable...think Hindenbourg.  He sacrificed most of his arm hair for the sake of exciting science!  

The science fair season was started with a bang...and the smell of burnt hair.  

I'm hoping the next few months go a little easier than this mornings interview.

To ease my woes over my "interview- I mean standing there looking stupid" I took the kids out for drive-through for lunch.  I can't beat $1 any-size soda at Burger King and to go with it I ordered fries - unhealthy yes, but good for the woeful soul.  I can usually get away with eating fries without getting sick, even if they are fried in the same oil as some gluten.  As I was enjoying my greasy carbs, I thought, "man, these are pretty good, they have a real onion flavor today."   I then pulled out an onion ring.  blast!  

I have been in bathroom sick already.

TMI...I know.

Note to self:  check fry container for stowaway onion rings before enjoying.

But these babies were not contaminated with wayward onion rings and are indeed gluten free.  

My friend Nicole gave me some GF flour for Christmas (I think my favorite gift other than my silver hoops!)  and it has worked out better than anything I have tried.  It's delicious and barely grainy.  I might just be back in the 'cookie baking makes me happy' business.

************

Our family went bowling Monday afternoon with our good friends the Wards.  After the boy's friends arrived they didn't sit still long enough for me to take pictures, so the following are all I got with my phone camera. 

What is up with this picture?  Well...Andrew officially wears the same size bowling shoes as his mother.

(and he officially has better looking ankles than me too)

He's a cute boy...oh I mean...kid...I mean pre-teen.

Carter is just fun.

Colby gives good crazy-eye stares.

Saylor and her best friend Jada.  

At least, they will be best friends once they grow up and learn to share toys. (that means you Saylor!)