failed parenting...or maybe just what a child needed

I attended a different ward today for my stake calling.  I sat through sacrament meeting without interruption from kids and it was a breath of fresh air, however sad that is to admit.

Our stake president spoke on families and I came out of the meeting inspired with a desire to try a little harder.   The spirit was extremely strong.  It almost blew me over and my chest felt like it would burst.   I haven't had that feeling in a long time.  I was wonderful to experience.

I don't often write out spiritual feelings or spiritual matters.  I tend to hold such things close to my heart and keep them private.  I would compare myself to a poker player keeping his hand secret and close to his chest all while displaying his best poker face...but I that might count as an irreverent comparison. 

All sarcasm aside, I find myself not writing down spiritual matters because I find them sacred.  And I feel that sacred things should kept sacred to an extent.  I never want to come across portraying myself a spiritual giant, something that I for sure am not.   Unfortunately, if I never record these feelings, how will my children know how I felt when they are older?  I can share things with them now out loud, but who knows if they are listening.   It would be a failure on my part if my children grow up thinking I never contemplated spiritual, divine things.  And the case being that this is my only journal,  I'd better be willing to write some thoughts down. 

One subject that was brought up today by our Stake President was Family Home Evening and other spiritual observances in the home.  I have a testimony of these things, especially family home evening and family scripture study.  It has done wonders for our family and the atmosphere in our home.   That being said, I will be honest and admit that we have crazy yahoo yelling, fighting, temper tantrums, and brother beating moments all on a regular basis...which are NOT ok with me.

(As I type this I can hear Colby screaming from the basement- nice.)

But Steve and I are trying very hard to teach our children reverence, tolerance, gratitude, love and to follow the example of the Savior. 

We are trying and praying it soaks in.

For example:

We held family home evening early tonight and Steve shared his idea of starting off the Christmas season positively...aka...not thinking about ourselves.

We had a discussion with our children on gratitude and blessings and had each of the boys name two things they had that made them feel truly blessed. (spoiled)

They came up with some pretty good things that I wish I would have written down right then, because I have pregnant brain and can't remember.

We then talked about one way to show gratitude for your blessings is to sacrifice and give.  We then asked each boy to go downstairs and pick out one really good toy that was #1. in good condition and #2. something they actually liked.  We then explained our plan to take the toys to the DI tomorrow night along with picking out a few new toys to donate.

The boys surprised me.

Andrew brought up his DS system with all his games and case.  He claimed he doesn't play with it anymore and would be happy to give it away.

(I had a slight heart palpitation because...um...I know how much money went into that DS and games.)

Carter brought up his digital camera that Steve handed down to him a few months ago.  It's a nice camera with charger and case included.

(chest tightening a little bit more)

Colby brought up a pair of shoes, his best tonka garbage truck, an airplane, and favorite like new stuffed lion.

(anyone have some nitroglycerin pills?)

My children bowled me over with their willingness to give away their things.  For about five minutes I thought I was raising nice children....

until I brought up a few toy sets I bought almost three years ago on clearance that I have been saving for whatever birthday or occasion they would be needed for.   They were an assortment of trucks, boats and people just perfect for the wants of a certain 6 year old in my house.

He FLIPPED out, crying his eyeballs out over how I could NOT give those toys away.  How dare I not realize they were what he has ALWAYS wanted and how he has been waiting for toys like these for YEARS.

Oh brother.

The toys are still going to the DI tomorrow-

No matter how selfish my six year old is.

And...to pour lemon juice in Colby's wound (oh dear...did I just give away the guilty party?), I may ask him to personally hand them over to the DI donation guy.

Side note:  Later tonight Colby recanted his willingness to give away the shoes and toy lion.
 Figures.

Thanksgiving

We spent Thanksgiving with the Walkers this year.  

It was small and simple, but delicious as always.

So simple- I forgot my camera. 

The holiday consisted of JaNae and her family, my parents, and my little family at my parents house.

 My mom and JaNae made rolls, stuffing, yams, potatoes, corn, and the most delicious fruit salad I've had in a long time.  I brought gluten free stuffing, a gluten free pumpkin trifle and green salad.  

Steve smoked the turkey.  

I should have taken pictures as all the food was beautiful, especially the turkey.  Steve brined it the night before in a lemon, salt and sugar brine complete with cloves and cinnamon sticks, and then smoked it Thursday morning.  It was the best turkey I have ever eaten...Steve is charge of the turkey every year from now on. 

I have eaten more in the last two days than I have in a long time.  Oh how I love Thanksgiving food.  It is my favorite. 

Colby ate rolls.  Typical Colby.  One day I hope realizes what he is missing!

Steve has spent most of his "free" time this weekend working on the new office.  He and his dad moved most everything Wednesday and then they and their office staff have worked on organizing everything today and will be working tomorrow too.  Steve saw his first patients, JaNae and her family, today for cleanings and checkups.  I forgot to ask her if the chairs were comfy...they are so much nicer than the ones at the old office.  I'm praying everything goes smoothly Monday for him.  

Today in honor of Black Friday, I stayed home and did laundry.   It was the perfect way to stay away from the dreaded crowds.  But tonight my sister was feeling up to going out, so we went out with our mom to TJ Maxx.  I know...exciting.  I went looking for new sheets, I have two sets both with holes in them, but came home with a new sweater and silver earrings.  I do love that store.

  

Tomorrow while Steve is working at the the office, I'm planning on putting up my front room Christmas tree...that and eating more leftovers.  I perfected gluten free stuffing that I'm enjoying more than I should.  I also perfected a gluten free pumpkin pie with gingerbread crust.  I think I might have to make another one tomorrow and enjoy it more than I should too.

Lastly, I'm feeling this baby and his/her acrobatics more and more.  Last night while watching a movie in bed, Steve was able to feel him/her kick.  I can't believe this is happening so fast sometimes and I can't believe how fast my stomach is growing.  Oh man...I'm going to be huge by the time this is over!  Steve and I have stewed over names for this baby and I thought my mind was settled for both boy and girl names.  Crazy enough, the little boy name I was dead set on NOT naming my baby is starting to grow on me.  I can picture a little Dixon boy running around with this name, and it makes me smile.  My ultrasound is on Thursday.  I can't wait to find out if this baby is a boy or a girl.

birthdays, new office and bathroom woes

Our Saylor girl turned the ripe old age of three yesterday.

I had way too many church meetings Sunday night, so we celebrated with dinner and cupcakes Saturday evening.

Little Miss was excited to be three, even though she said holding up her fingers hurt way too much.

She was a pro at blowing out her candles and opened presents like a kid with experience.  (Sadly, we are raising greedy kids!)

Steve's mom was out of town, but his Dad came to help celebrate and brought Saylor the most darling music box.  She has played with it non-stop since Saturday night.

I've even had to glue a few pieces back together it has been so loved!

My parents came too and added to Saylors growing collection of Disney Princess Little People.

(more on that obsession later)

We love our Saylor Girl and can't believe she is growing up so fast.

I think she went from being a toddler to a big girl overnight.

She talks with the vocabulary and reasoning of her brothers and is lately testing my authority.  Good think she is so darn adorable...or I might lose my mind.

My favorite thing Saylor says lately involves her Hello Kitty chapstick case.  She loves it and carries it around and talks about it constantly.  Unfortunately, she can't pronounce her "K"s very well and they come out like "T"s.  This provides some pretty entertaining moments when she asks, talks about and describes her "Titty Chapstick".

Slightly risque, but really really hilarious.

The new home of Sawtooth Dental is almost finished, and we will be moving in this week and seeing patients next Monday.

The office turned out beautiful and we couldn't be happier with the results.

Steve cannot wait to be moved in and rolling at this location.

Here's a view of the reception area and waiting room.

Too bad the chairs we ordered might not be here for possibly four more weeks.  

Details Details...I hope this all works out.

A view of the exam hallway and pass-through cabinets from sterilization.

Same hall from other direction.

Steve did all the tile work on the t-walls behind the sinks.  Little does he know I now have plans for him to put in a back splash in my kitchen.  

(Insert maniacal laugh here.)

One of the exam rooms not quite put together yet.

The exam chair is not gold like this picture shows, but a dark taupe brown.   It all looks great in person.

This next week is going to be insane to say the least and I know I will not see Steve except for a few hours on Thanksgiving.  He's got a lot of work to move in and get things going at the new office.

It's been a fun (slightly stressful) process to go through, but overall the experience we had with our builders has been phenomenal.  Everything down to the smallest detail has been perfected.  This last week the landscaping went in along with finish work on the exterior of the building and parking lines on the pavement.   The equipment is getting the finishing touches this week and I'm praying everything is completed for patients on Monday.

Now more about Saylor...

I spoke too soon about the potty thing.

She has keeping dry down to a science, but keeping non-muddy is a different story.  

I've had to resort to dirty(no pun intended) tactics to motivate her to keep her pants clean.

Her prize possessions are her Princess Little People.  They are hers to own and love as long as her pants stay clean.  If not, they end up on display on the top of the fridge...where she can see them, but not touch them.  

For her birthday, she received the Princess Castle, a toy she has pined over for weeks.

Sadly, beyond sadly, the castle is currently joining it's princess inhabitants safely on our Frigidaire.

It's tragic, but true.

Sister Sis knows how to get them back, but doesn't seem to desire them quite enough.

I've now also taken away her second most favorite thing...Dora on netflix.

We'll see how long she is Princess and Dora free.  I'm hoping not long.

I'm not sure what I can take away next.

car conversations tell the entire story however degrading they may be

While driving home from school lunch today...

Saylor:  Mom, girls don't go to work.

Me:  They don't?  

Saylor:  Nope, boys either.  Just grown up daddies go to work.

Me:  Hmmm.  Well, what do girls do all day?

Saylor:  They take naps.

Me:  Realy?  What else do they do?  

Saylor:  They get ready for bed.

Yes, its true.  I'm sleeping a lot lately.

And apparently my observant daughter is noticing.

tidbits

No pictures today, just me rambling a little about life in general.

Saylor is potty trained.  

It clicked and she rocks the potty.

No mess, no fuss, just cute soft undies with polka dots, hearts and (gag) Dora.

For her almost three year old feat, she earned a package of Little People Disney Princesses.  She is now asking for the castle.  This girl know how to work the system.  She will be getting the castle for her birthday next weekend.  I hope she can hold out that long and not punish me by soiling a few Dora's.

Unfortunately, Saylor also has a raging cold and pink eye.  

(Have I said how much I love having two eye doctors in the family?) 

 Because of her tendency to wheeze with colds, she is getting albuteral treatments in addition to Vigamox drops.  

She says her drops are "too drippy" and her treatments are "too smoky", neither of which I disagree with.  She's kind of a mess at the moment.  But...her undies are really cute and shes all hopped up on albuteral right before bedtime.  Lovely.

Carter is fighting a cold or going through a growth spurt...or both at the same time.  

Because of which, his blood sugar numbers are roller coastering.  Up and down, up and down, up and down.  I'm trying to just be patient and ride it out.  

He's trying to be patient with me and my constant request for drops of blood.  Hamburger for fingers isn't fun.

Speaking of hamburger (and beef) Andrew was 'perfecting' his calf roping skills and subsequently roped Carter by the hand and foot.  Carter, not realizing that gravity is best fought with all your limbs, tried to run and ended up kissing the pavement on our front porch.  He came inside with blood gurgling out of his mouth.  It's at these moments that I find out how giving birth to a child changes your chemistry.  Becoming a mother somehow enhances your brain power to handle bloody scary messes (at least the little ones...I don't want to find out how I handle the big ones!)  I cleaned up his oozing face the best I could and realized he had just cut the heck out of the inside of his upper lip.  It too resembled hamburger.   I called Steve (love having dentists in the family too) and asked if I needed to do anything particular.  One of Carter's permanent teeth was also oozing a little blood and causing pain.  Steve was able to come home a little later and access the damage.  Carter will live and the injured tooth will need an x-ray later, but no stitches were needed.  

Steve and I loaded the kids up on snacks, left them at home and headed out this afternoon for a movie.  

We saw the latest James Bond film. 

It was decent, as James Bond goes.   If you go in knowing your are going to see blood, car chases, and womanizing...you're not totally appalled.  I went in with pretty low expectations and was pleasantly surprised.  The villen is creepy...very creepy.  I don't love psychological messed up bad guys.  So other than that, pretty entertaining.

When we got out of the movie, it was almost 7pm and we realized our poor children hadn't had dinner.

We won some serious parental awards tonight.

Oh well, they'll live.

My kids cleaned like madmen this morning with the promise of a Christmas tree put up in the basement.

When I made the promise, I didn't thing they would work that hard for a tree.

I now have to spend the rest of my evening (or tomorrow morning) putting all the garland and ribbon on the tree so they can put on their ornaments.  It's only November 10th.  

The upstairs, mark my words, will NOT be put up until AFTER Thanksgiving.

I'm as bad as Target with our Christmas decorations right after Halloween.

It's shameless.

This pregnancy is sneaking up on me. 

Well, to be more exact, the weight and pain of pregnancy are sneaking up on me.

I gained (gulp) 7 lbs this last month.  Ick.

I'm also in pain in places I forgot I could hurt.  

I'm only 19 weeks tomorrow and I'm fearful of what is inevidable the next 20 weeks...lots more weight and lots more pain.

Good thing a baby comes from all this and good thing I KNOW it is worth it.

I also know that this is the only time I can eat french fries and bacon for dinner and have any sort of excuse.  

(What???  I didn't have bacon and fries for dinner!  Who would do that sort of thing?  Eww...that is just gross.)

the last three days

We are in the thick of potty training.

-nuff said.

(but when have I been one of a few words)

There have been...

a few lakes on the floor

a few muddy undies

lots of candy corns consumed

one Little People Princess earned with six more promised

(I would even spring for the castle if this would happen quicker)

Saylor is learning and happy

I'm learning patience once again...you would think the first three times I would have mastered the patience thing.

I keep thinking to myself, "By Christmas this will be old hat."

I'm banking on that one.

Thank goodness I have a mom who has gone to all Carter's lunches this week so I could stay home.  My sanity and the cleanliness of Saylor's car seat thank her!

Venice...where I left my conciseness

Friday morning we were up at a good time ready to visit Venice.

We loaded a VERY crowded bus that would take 10-15 minutes to arrive there.  I geared myself up for an uncomfy ride.  It was standing only and I was touching more people at once than I ever have in my life.  I took deep breaths and told myself to get over my fear of crowds and that I could do anything uncomfortable for 15 minutes.

Unfortunately...my subconscious did not believe what my brain was telling it and shut down.

I had enough warning that I was going to pass out and gave a few seconds warning to Steve.

...when I woke up I was laying on the pavement, in Venice, at the bus stop.  

I had one Italian man taking my pulse and calling my name, (not quite how you ever hope for a sexy Italian accent to call your name!  ha ha), a cute Italian lady rubbing my other hand, and two young Italian women holding my legs straight in the air.  May I add I was wearing a skirt that day???  Thank goodness for my choice of black opaque leggings.  Whew!  

My husband and these darling people had dragged my unconscious body off the bus and laid me on the pavement.  We were surrounded by a small crowd including a few police officers checking out the situation.

I have some pretty hysterical memories of trying to pull my skirt back over my exposed legs while still half out of it.  

The nice lady who was rubbing my hand directed us and our friends the Thomas's to a bar of all places that had benches where I could lie down.  It took me at least 30 minutes to be able to hold my head up without becoming nauseated.   Poor Steve, I'm sure I scared him to death...well, scratch that...this is not the first time I have passed out with him around.

I think he is getting used to it.

Fortunately, I did not follow suit to my usual routine of passing out that includes seizing, vomiting and the loss of other bodily fluids.  (that's as graphic as I'll get).  

I also think it is fortunate that Italians are extremely nice to foreigners who pass out on buses (one lady told me it happens all the time!), because they sure like to yell at each other.  Before I passed out, I was listening to the same helpful kind people yell at each other.

When I was able to stand up and walk, Steve and I boarded a train this time...no more buses for me...and headed back to our hotel.  Steve bought my fries at the McDonalds in the train station because I needed something on my stomach and fries actually sounded good.  Sick, I know.

I ate the ENTIRE large order and then took a nap for almost two hours.

Finally, I was ready to go back to Venice.

Again, we took the train.

The Grand Canal

Venice, when you are conscious, is a beautiful amazing place.

I loved it.

It's amazing to me how everything works on waterways. 

I took a ton of pictures for my boys because they were so excited about the waterways and how they worked.  Here are just a few of the pictures we took as we made our way toward San Marco square.

Grand Canal from the other side of the bridge.

As we snaked our way through the city, it felt if we were going in circles.  However, whenever you made a turn there was another sign with an an arrow pointing you to the Rialto Bridge and San Marco Square.  Steve and I relied on these signs not to lead us into a gruesome death in some back ally and enjoyed the view of the crazy waterways and narrow streets.

(I passed out...I can be dramatic if I want to)

View from the famous Rialto Bridge.

All along the way there were shops filled with masks, Murrono glass and toys. 

We took this picture for Carter.  He really wanted us to bring him back Italian Legos.  He was disheartened to find out, Italy has American Legos.  So tragic.

I was temped to bring back this jem for my Mom for Christmas.

She "loves" animals almost as much as me.

Love ya Mom!

After over 90 minutes of walking (we took our sweet time) we made it to San Marco square.

It was even more impressive than I remember.

We didn't go inside any of the buildings, just enjoyed being there...and not touching anyone.

Here is a famous self portrait as always.

The buildings were spectacular...and the crowd size was even more so.

We had been on very empty streets until we reached the Rialto Bridge, and then it was wall to wall people.  It made the crowds in Florence look sparce.

I think most people traveled by canal instead of walking.  Unfortunately, the water taxi's are called "buses"...wouldn't get on them if my life depended on it that afternoon.  The thought of crowds mixed with motion sickness was more than I could handle.

This is the Bridge of Sighs.

The bridge connected the old prison and interrogation rooms in the Doge's Palace to the new prison across the river.  The theory is that prisoners got their last look of Venice before heading to their cells while crossing this bridge...hence the sigh.  There are a few other theories, but I liked this one the best.

Glad Steve wasn't sighing or sad as he saw this bridge.

Steve and I marveled at the different marble on this building.  It was fantastic!

After we had our fill of people, we headed back to the train station the way we came, only stopping for pictures like this.

We came upon these men and thought of our own little violinist and guitarist.

However endearing they were, I hope my boys don't have to play in the street for cash.

As we returned to the Grand Canal, the sun was going down.

It was beautiful.

Steve thought this boat was more beautiful.

Venice, other than the passing out episode, was wonderful.

I did take a few pictures of possibly odd things.

Every once in a while, there would be a sign on a building side that said WC standing for water closet.

Being pregnant and all, I followed these signs religiously.

It cost 1.5 euro and was well worth the money. 

There was a school group there and I couldn't help but think about my boys and their field trips.

These kids were cute.

On our walk back from San Marco, we came upon this courtyard playground.  It was filled families and children playing.  Steve and I stood back and watched the group of young girls on the right side of the picture play with their bassinets and baby dolls.  There was one girl in particular that was "queen bee" and who bossed all the other girls around.  Even in another language I could tell she was telling each of the other girls what to do, who to play with and who to exclude.  I guess girls and their desire to rule the world is indeed a universal concept.  It cracked me up.