one liners

WARNING:  For those with any sort of social scruples or dignity...do not read this post!


I'm in Missouri with my sisters and mother, hence the lack of blog posts this last week.  And when my sisters and I get together, we tend to drop about 15 years in maturity level.  In other words, it's blasted funny-  blasted "Walker sister-gut splitting" funny.

 Too bad the only ones who think we are funny are us.

The past three days have been filled with some hilarious one liners.  One liners that unless you had the entire story, situation, correct room temperature and wind speed, you wouldn't get the joke.

They are so good they have each been repeated at least ten times over, and each time they are followed with the same roaring, sometimes snorting high pitched squealy laughter.   

They are worth writing down for posterity sake.

(for the sake of the guilty, the identity of who said these lines originally will remain secret.)

1.  "Red vines give me gas."

2.  "Your clock is slutty."

3.  "If she mispronounces my name one more time, I'm going to call her Melan-I."

4.  "From the waist down she was built like a wildabeast."

5. "I want to lose 40 pounds in one day."
"Well that leg's going to have to come off."

6.  "One tubby tubby, two tubby tubby."

7.  "That's not her stink eye, that's her pink eye."

8.  "Dang, I parked on the wrong side of Walmart."
"Get back in the car.  I'm not walking across one more parking lot."

9. "Let's try on and model ugly clothes and see who pees their pant in the dressing room first."
"You're going to wear that fluorescent peace sign bikini bottom."
"You'll win."

10.  "We call them squiggers"

11.  "Would you rather....have a big butt or ugly feet.

12.  "Girls...you are embarrassing me.  I can hear you clear over here.  ...and I"m deaf!"

13. "no coppa...no stoppa."

14.  "back massages in the front lead to front massages in the back."

15.  "If mom would have named you that, you would have gotten pregnant in high school for sure."