When things go south on the parenting trail.

I don't claim to be the perfect mother.  I do feel though as if there are perfect parenting moments, however few and far between, where I can think back and say to myself, "Good job.  You nailed that one.  Chalk one up for you and carry on Soldier."   

But today has not been one of them.  Carter is struggling with just being happy.  Be this a diabetes thing, a second grade thing, a boy thing...I don't know, but is driving me batty.  I understand happiness as a choice.  I choose to be happy because life is better when I am happy.  Do I have unhappy times?  Of course I do, but I choose to turn myself around and be otherwise.  I also feel that happiness is directly related to gratitude.  If I am grateful for what I have been given, it is difficult to by anything but happy.  

This gratitude=happiness=life is great, is a deep concept for an 8 year old.  I don't expect him to understand this until he is far into adulthood...but in the meantime, I might hang him by his toenails. 

He struggles to be happy in the morning.  He struggles to be happy after school.  He struggles to be happy in the evening.  He struggles to be happy doing anything I ask of him.  Because of this, I'm struggling with parenting this darling boy.   I find myself raising my voice way more often than I think is acceptable.  Tears stream from chocolate eyes around our home on a daily (2X daily) basis.  I love this kid and will be spending more time on my knees asking my Heavenly Father how to help Carter through this stage.   Tonight I went to my husband for help.  I texted him this message not to long ago.

"I hope you make it home before I ground Carter from the derby tonight.  Be warned, you are coming home to a combat zone.  I need a patient husband and father tonight.  You are the glue that will keep me from losing it on Carter. ...just thought you would like a warning."

My biggest anxiety is how this crappy attitude in our home can spread like wild fire-it's flames lick and burn everyone in proximity.  While in the car this afternoon, Colby's burned attitude was whining about why he couldn't make money like Andrew.  (Andrew gets an allowance for having extra chores and responsibilities around the house.  But with this allowance he is expected to pay for some things by himself.  For example, his back pack wore out and he was required to pay for half to replace it.)   Colby wanted money, but cried that he didn't want to do chores.   I told him that is the only way he would make extra cash would be to help out more without complaining or having me remind him to do the extra chore.  

I told him, "That way you could buy a new back pack just like Andrew did."  

"Whatever Mom," Colby lashed out, "I don't want to buy a backpack anyway...I'm saving up for a phone."

Oh really.

Apparently my philosophy on life is wrong.  This is how it is going in my house of late:

ingratitude=grumpiness=my children thing they should be given everything they can dream of without lifting a finger to earn it.

This is going to be their reality check:

I will not pamper my children.

I will not put up with ingratitude.

I will not put up with grumpy attitudes.

I will not buy my five year old a phone.