Today's lesson: God did Chores.

Around 7:40 pm last night I put out an ultimatum to my children.  They each had 10 minutes to get their clean clothes put away, change into pjs and brush their teeth.  If they didn't accomplish these three things, they would owe me two dollars.   Money talks around our house and two dollars is a steep price. I meant business.

15 minutes later (5 minutes extra were given- I was feeling generous),  and my little Colby only had done the first tast on the list.

"Colby, you need to pay me one dollar, because you didn't finish everything I asked.  I'll give you a break this time because you emptied your clothes bucket."

Tears rolled down my five year olds cheeks.  After much stammering and blubbering, he handed over  his only paper bill.   And because I am such an tyranical mom, I took it.

A very serious face came through the tears and Colby exclaimed, "I am not doing chores anymore!  It's not fair that I'm a kid and have to do chores!"

"Fine, I answered, I won't do chores anymore either.   I won't cook or wash your clothes."

"I don't care, I'm still not doing chores."

Me being so bright and parentally superior said, "Colby, do you know what would happen if nobody did chores?  There would be no food because the farmers wouldn't work.  The streets would be filled with trash because the city workers wouldn't collect it.  And...our bathrooms would get covered in pee and other stuff because nobody would clean them. "

Colby sassed back still through hysterical crying, "Can we stop talking about this, It is disgusting!  And, I'm still not doing chores!"

"Fine, you wont eat tomorrow and you will wear dirty clothes, because I'm not doing chores anymore either."

Colby went to bed still sobbing uncontrollably.   I went upstairs chuckling, because there was really nothing else to do with this conversation.  The child was too tired to reason with and everything he said cracked me up.  Plus, I wasn't going to have to do chores the next morning either!  Hurray!

Five minutes later,  a tear streaked face showed up in my bedroom doorway, "Mom, if you aren't doing chores anymore. I'm moving away."

"Oh, Colby, I sure would miss you. Where are you moving to?"

"To Sydney's."

"Sorry to burst you bubble Buddy, but Sydney's mom make her do chores too."

More hysterically crying followed.


Now, my darling husband's parental skills are much more practical and less sarcastic than mine.  He tends not to smirk or laugh at our childrens' irrational though processes.   I'm more of a "Deal with it, it's life kid" kind of parent."  He's more of a religious "Let's sit down and bring the gospel into it" kind of parent.  I appreciate him.  He is earning his heavenly mansion faster than me.  I hope I can stay at his.

The following is a much abbreviated version of the conversation Steve had with Colby.  This conversation happened in our office, because that is where Steve takes the kids for serious conversations.  Long or short, I think it was hilarious.


Steve:  Colby, do you want to be a man when you grow up?
Colby:  Yes
Steve:  Men do chores.  In fact, God did chores.  He made the earth and all of us.
Colby:  What??????
Steve:  He wanted to send us to earth, and God asked Jesus to save us, but to do so, we had to make choices and do chores in return.  Jesus' brother didn't want us to do chores so he didn't get a body and he didn't get to come to earth.

(does this sound a little deep for a five year old?  Anyhoo...)

Steve:  Colby, Dad is a man and I go to work so I can make money for our house, for food and for clothes.  Do you know where I learned to work?
Colby:  Dental school?
Steve:  Nope.  I learned how to work from my mom.  I weeded,  mowed lawns, and cleaned my room.  I washed windows and babysat my siblings.  I did chores.  I learned not to complain and do my chores right the first time so I didn't have to do it again.


After this conversation, Colby come to me and apologized with tears in his eyes.  "I'm sorry Mom."

Steve's parenting didn't stop there,  "Colby tell Mom what do you want to be when you grow up."

"Mom, I want to build buildings."

"Where will you learn how to work so you can learn to build buildings." Steve asked.

Colby answered with the brightest wettest eyes know to mankind,  "My Mom." (choke choke choke)

I grabbed Colby, accepted his apology and hugged him so tight that I "hugged a toot right out of me Mom!"
(Insert hysterical laughter here)