packed my bags and moved to crazy town

How do I put this delicately?

Every 28 days or so...I honestly lose my mind and become a crazy person.  Blame the moon, the rotation of the earth around the sun, my hormonal shifts...or whatever, I honestly morph into a different person that I do not know...or like...or understand.

Mentally:

I no longer have rational thoughts.

I'm more irritable than a mother bear.

I can't stand being in the same room as myself.

Physically:

I gain five or so pounds for no reason.

The majority of my clothes no longer fit. (only the items with copious amount of elastic)

I can sleep for hours without reprieve of exhaustion.

I'm in constant pain.

Socially:

For all the reasons above...I should not be seen socially.

I think my husband today is contemplating packing up the kids and moving away for the next 5-7 days.

I'm contemplating crawling into my closet and disappearing...that or underneath my bed. (But alas, the extra weight around my midsection would inhibit me from fitting either place.)

I fully realize this post is completely inappropriate in every way.  

But when have I ever been appropriate?

Before I type something even more inappropriate, I'm going to drown my sorrows in four ibuprofen and a pint of Ben and Jerry's.  (If I'm going to gain 5 pounds it might as well be for a delicious reason.)