Pity Pot

I'm too tired to write tonight, but my brain is full and whiny and I need to verbally spew so I can sleep.

I'm frustrated with life and the unfairness of it all.

(Boo Hoo)

So- tonight I'm sitting on my pity pot whining about it.

For the last four (???) months or so I've been running.  (YES...exercise running, not running to the fridge...please close your jaw, it's impolite to let it hang like that.)

This is a miracle for me.  Because I don't run.  I've never run.

However in the last few months I've learned to love running.

I even love the sweating.  (don't pass out...yes I really wrote that.)

I'm up to running about four miles at one time.

(please realize that these are not fast miles, but they are miles just the same)

I was hoping to run the Rim to Rim race this September in honor of my (cough cough) 33rd Birthday.

It's about 7 miles.

I want to do this to feel powerful- to feel in control of my own body- for the sense of accomplishment of something I have never done before- something hard- because I want to do hard things.

But tonight I've had the cold realization that there is no way on God's green earth that I have time to train for this race.  And I'm really sad about it.

So sad, I want to sit in the fetal position and cry.  But that would freak out my husband, so I'm writing this whiny post instead.

I have a nursing baby.

If you have ever nursed a baby you realize the fact that running in the morning after a baby has not eaten all night long is not an option- especially if this baby does not take a bottle.

Morning runs are out.

I have three other children and a husband who need a functioning mother and wife.

Running at night and leaving all the night time responsibilities to Steve is not an option either.

(When it didn't get dark until after 10:00 I could run.  It's getting dark closer to 9:30 now and I value my life.)

My treadmill is in the basement...where my oldest sleeps.

Running inside at night is not an option.

I have four children.

Running inside during the day has never proven worthwhile.

Too many sugars to check, bums to be wiped, babies to be held...and so on and so forth.

So here I sit whining about the entire situation because life is unfair.

I've finally found something I like to do that is just for me...and I can't do it.
I don't have time.  That, or I don't know what else can be sacrificed so I can have time.

I have absolutely no idea how other mothers do everything.

How? How? How?

How do they...keep their house clean, fix meals, do laundry, take children to lessons and activities, read scriptures, prepare lessons for Sunday, help with homework, keep up the yard, prepare fabulous family home evenings, make homemade bread, churn the butter, milk the cow...blah blah blah...and STILL find time somewhere in there to exercises and take care of themselves?

If any of you mothers have advice on how to do everything, I really am all ears.

Signed, 

Frustrated and not exercising becomes moms always come in last.