coming up for air

Last night was the first time since Grady was born that I felt completely out of control.

I had the "Holy Hannah...I have five kids...how am I ever going to do this" moment for the first time.

It was icky.

I felt as if I was never going to have a grip on real life again...how am I ever going to give each of these  beautiful children the attention they deserve and need?

I can spread myself thin, but how thin?

I had anxiety about getting everything done that I should and still find time to be the person I want to be...not just a braless mom in pjs.  (did I just write that?) 

After about an hour of stress and worry, I decided I just needed sleep.  I'm tired.  Oh. So. Tired.

 So at 10 pm when Grady went down, so did I.

But I also realized before that, that I needed to chill out.  So what if there are crumbs on the floor?  So what if dishes are still in the sink?  So what if my pajamas are getting more time on my body than any other article of clothing?  So what?  

We'll live and life will go on.

I swaddled my baby, went downstairs and sang primary songs with Carter to Saylor.  She was in heaven and so was I. 

This is what is important.  

But for posterity's sake, this is what my life looks like the second week after having a baby.

 I actually tried to French braid Saylor's hair.  I had some serious beginners luck.  It even stayed in.  I just hope I have the desire to do it again.  Today she looks a little like Cousin It.  There is hair flying everywhere.

Grady had his 10 day appointment Wednesday.

We waited almost 45 minutes to see the doctor.  This is how we entertained ourselves. 

Grady was 7 lbs 8 oz and is STILL jaundiced.  The doctor assured me he would be fine and that it might take a month to return to a pink color.  Looks like I'll have to continue to tint all my pictures of him.

Not surprisingly, I forgot the second PKU test papers I was supposed to bring to the appointment and then had to make a trip to the hospital out patient lab yesterday to have the test done.  

My brain is so fried.  

What did surprise me is how many people looked at me funny for not having my baby in his carseat in the hospital.  It's like they had never seen a baby being carried before.  I find it easier to hold a 7 lb baby than a huge carseat.  Don't people carry their babies anymore?  (deep thoughts)

Our 21 boxes of girl scout cookies arrived yesterday.  (Yes, we are gluttonous pigs)

It was a day of rejoicing.

Now I have to deal with my kids asking every five minutes is they can have a cookie.

 After they ask for a cookie and I say no, they ask if they can hold Grady.

Sometimes I say yes.

All this kids are still enamored with him...as am I.

 I'm trying very hard to keep some sort of routine around here.

School is out for a few days and my kids think it's time to party.

This morning I cracked the whip a little and the kids got their music practiced and rooms cleaned.

Now...if I could just get Colby to change out of those gorilla pj's.  

I'm also trying to keep up the house.

The chairs are out because I attempted to sweep and mop while Grady was napping.  I did a pretty crappy job...with the mop Steve bought for the kids to use in between my hands and knees approach.

One of these days I'll feel like cleaning the way I usually do, but today half ___ will have to do!

 This room is becoming my permanent home.

The laundry is eating me alive.

I'm grateful for my washer and dryer.  I can't imagine having to wash all this stuff by hand in a river like the pioneers did!  How in the world did they handle babies pooping every two hours or more?  Hurray for modern technology, and disposable-environment killing- non-biodegradable- landfill filling diapers.  How I love thee.

Other things I'm grateful for???

Dinners being brought in.  

The meals we have had this week have been delicious and wonderful.

I'm so grateful for loving friends who are willing to feed my face.  (and the leftovers have been appreciated too!)

Snuck downstairs and took this picture after the I heard the kids laughing.

Wii games are hilarious I guess.

...but it is proof that they picked up the basement before turning to technology.  Thanks guys for helping my sanity by letting me see carpet not scattered with toys and legos.

 This is just because I think "bear bums" are cute.